My wife texted me today with heartbreaking news; heartbreaking enough for me to stop everything I was doing at work and text her back immediately. I had even considered calling her, just to hear her voice so that she could soothe me.
My son, she reported, was a big fan of Green Lantern.
Perhaps that's a little melodramatic. And perhaps you are incapable of appreciating true art; I'll be the judge of that. We are a Marvel Comics House. (Please notice the period at the end of that last sentence). I will not stand for a son - even if he is only 4 years old - who has anything above a sniff of contempt for DC. What's wrong with DC, you ask (maybe you asked 'what is DC?" to which I would reply 'exactly'). Let's start with their characters; mythological Gods and Goddesses living in made up cities fighting ridiculous villains. Don't get me started on Superman. Fine!
Superman. Jesus, what's not wrong with Superman? He's ridiculously perfect and that does not a hero make. Heroes need a flaw. Kryptonite is a weakness, not a flaw; having a rain induced mold allergy is also a weakness, but I doubt many people would read your comic if that was the singular weakness of your protagonist. Wait...maybe that's a bad example, cause THAT would be an infinitely more impressive character than Superman, who's capable of fooling an entire city by putting on glasses and a tie. Is Metropolis full of half-wits? Oh, and when DC needed to revive that joke of a comic, how did Superman die? He was clobbered to death by a marauding space alien. That's it? The man of steal, the unstoppable, bullet proof force protecting humanity got punched to death? No. Just, no. Superman should have died at the hands of Lex Luther, who bored him to death with a 37 page monologue detailing his plans for global domination. And Batman...Batman is untouchable. He is perhaps the only saving grace that keeps me from crying myself to sleep at night over the human rights crisis that is DC comics. But, I digress.
The issue is not, really, that my adorable little super-hero-loving 4 year old has chosen the wrong side in a decades old War-On-Crappy-Comics (term officially coined by Bush Senior in his address to the nation on September 5, 1990 (facts totally made up)). The issue is deeper, and it took me a few minutes to really grasp what was twisting my brain so tight. I don't really mind DC comics, if push comes to shove; everyone has moments of weakness (except, apparently, Superman. Unless a space alien falls to the Earth and punches him a bunch). His adoration for Green Lantern means little, really. What 4 year old would understand the difference between DC and Marvel comics? Or Chevy and Ford? Or Star Wars and Star Trek? Jeeze, the kid thinks EVERY meat is ham. I don't expect him to understand that Marvel is better (YES I KNOW IT'S JUST MY OPINION - BUT IT HAPPENS TO BE THE RIGHT OPINION). I can't adequately explain to a 4 year old that Marvel's characters are closer to human; they have real problems like girls, alcohol abuse, and the most serious rage disorder in history. I can't explain that, even though some of DC's characters have those enticing types of character flaws, they still somehow come off as, off. There's no depth to their shallowness...
No, none of that is the issue. The issue, I realize, is that - aside from the foundation shaking knowledge that my 4 year old's artistic tastes may be unrefined - sooner or later we are going to disagree about something real. Some day down the road, he is going to have real opinions about real issues AND THOSE OPINIONS MIGHT BE WRONG. What if he votes for - gasp - "the other guy?" How will our house function if, when he is 16, he believes that the government has every right to put a tracking chip into everyone's butt so they can monitor our movements across the neutral zone between The United States of Russia Owns Europe and The People's Republic of I Told You China Was Taking Over? Then what?
Then, I suppose, we'll have to sit down and talk. We won't agree to disagree, because that's not a real thing (people just get tired of arguing). We'll understand each other in a whole new dynamic; no longer will I be the all-knowing, strong as Superman dad. I'll be the dad-who-I-still-love-but-should-really-give-up-on-that-whole-Marvel-vs-DC-thing. I won't be a myth any longer; in true irony, I'll be - in his eyes - like the Marvel characters I know and love. Flawed. Our house won't fall apart, I won't send him off to boarding school (well, maybe. I mean DC! Seriously!), and I'll get to witness him grow into his own person.
Or maybe he'll come around and we can keep being friends.
Jesus, just kidding. I love that little guy, and he can like whatever comic book characters he so chooses. He'll just have to deal with me telling him how wrong he is on a regular basis.
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